Why asking “Is this normal?” rarely helps
Question
Why do I keep asking
if this is normal,
even when I know
every relationship is different?
Why does “normal”
feel so important
when it comes to sex,
desire,
and intimacy?
Ossan’s answer
“Normal” is a shortcut.
When you don’t know
how to trust your own experience,
you borrow other people’s standards.
Normal promises safety.
Belonging.
Relief.
But it also removes responsibility.
If something is normal,
you don’t have to decide
whether it works for you.
An ossan learns this:
Normal doesn’t create peace.
Agreement does.
Agreement about pace.
Energy.
Interest.
Reality.
And agreement is not found
by looking outward.
It’s found by staying present.
→ Members’ notes: Normal